Thoughts on Time Management

Alice and the Mirror of Accountability nick.leja |November 9, 2023 |Personal GrowthStories 1 Alice entered the inn, her eyes locking onto Thera at one of the wooden tables. Her heart racing, she walked towards her. This was her moment, years in the making—the chance to run the Bountiful Berries store in the city. A full-fledged shop, not just a market stand. This interview served as her final challenge. “Hello,” Thera said. “Please, have a seat.” Alice settled into her seat, and the interview began. The initial questions were straightforward, but a surge of anxiety rippled through her when Thera began searching through several parchments, likely in search of her recent sales records. “Ah, yes,” she said, her gaze sharpening as she found them. “Your sales have been rather low lately.” “Yes,” Alice said quickly. “That’s because my teammate, Lily, hasn’t been reliable with running the stand, so I haven’t been able to gather more valuable berries.” “Hmm,” Thera said, scanning Alice’s sales breakdown. “It also looks like you haven’t sold any elderberries. Those are one of the most sought-after berries in our region.” “Yes,” Alice said, shifting in her wooden chair, “because I haven’t been trained on how to collect them.” “And what about your pricing? You’re selling berries for much less than the other vendors.” “That’s because our stand is at the back of the market. The only way to attract customers is having low prices.” “It sounds like you think our stand’s location is a problem?” “A huge problem.” “Then why haven’t you moved the stand?” “No one told me I had that authority. I didn’t want to move it and get in trouble.” “I see…” Thera said, finalizing her review of Alice’s sales and setting the parchment down. Not Alice’s favorite line of questioning, but she had a swift response to every concern Thera raised. Sure, her sales were down, but, as she explained, it wasn’t her fault. Thera asked a few more questions, wrapped up the interview, and departed for the next village to interview their Bountiful Berries stand operator. Alice anticipated a decision within a month. The weeks rolled by, and then a messenger delivered a parchment from Thera—Alice didn’t get the promotion. Her heart lodged in her throat as she read the message repeatedly, desperately seeking an explanation. Obviously, her sales were the culprit. But didn’t Thera listen to her? Every obstacle she faced was justified: Lily’s unreliability, her lack of elderberry training, and the unfavorable location of her stand. How did Thera expect her to succeed? If it weren’t for those obstacles—which weren’t her fault—her sales would be better than everyone’s. 2 Needing some distraction, she left her thatched-roof cottage and visited the village’s only pub. Amid the crowded bar area, she took a seat and awaited service. “Hello,” the bulky man next to her greeted as she sat down. “Hi,” she said, not recognizing him. “Where are you from?” He introduced himself as Mason, a blacksmith passing through the village on his way to the city. Not much time passed before Alice poured out her frustration at missing the promotion. Mason listened attentively, asking questions to grasp the full extent of her the situation. After a moment, he shared, “You know, I went through a similar experience when I first became a blacksmith. Then, one day, I stumbled across an artifact that completely shifted my perspective. Since that day, I’ve achieved every goal I’ve set for myself.” “Really?” Alice asked wide-eyed, leaning in to absorb every word. “What was it? What did you find?” Mason paused and regarded her for a moment as if peering into her soul. After a few seconds, he broke into a warm smile and reached into the rucksack leaning against his chair. From it, he pulled out a handheld mirror and handed it to her. “Here,” he said. “This is the artifact.” She cautiously wrapped her fingers around the handle and raised the mirror to her face, her reflection staring back at her. “A mirror?” Mason nodded. “Yes, but not just any mirror. This is the Mirror of Accountability.” As she examined it, she noticed inscriptions encircling the glass at the top and bottom of the mirror. The top read: ‘Look in the mirror when things go wrong,’ and the bottom: ‘Look out the window when things go right.’ “I don’t understand.” “When things go wrong, look inward, taking accountability. When things go right, look outward, attributing credit to those who supported you. “By blaming other people or situations, you shift power from yourself to them. You put your success in their hands instead of your own. When you take accountability, you empower yourself.” Alice continued examining the mirror, mentally processing everything he said. “When you get home tonight,” Mason continued, “look into the mirror and state a reason for not receiving the promotion. Watch what happens.” 3 They chatted for a while longer as Alice asked several questions to better understand the mirror and how Mason had used it in his own journey. After sunset, they bid each other farewell, and Alice made her way back to her cottage. After settling in for the night, she raised the mirror, peered into it, and said, “My sales are down because Lily isn’t reliable.” Alice gasped as blue strands swirled together in the mirror, masking her reflection. When the strands faded, an image of her full body appeared on the left, and an image of Lilly manifested on the right. A radiant, white orb materialized in front of her chest and rushed over to Lily. Alice’s image darkened, while Lily’s brightened as the orb dissolved into her. After a few moments, the images vanished, and Alice’s reflection reappeared. Her power had transferred to Lily, just like Mason said. Okay, time to try taking accountability. Alice gazed into the mirror and said, “My sales are down because I have not put together a reliable team.” This time, a mystical white aura emanated from the outer rim of the

Almost all of us have a deep yearning to be understood. That being said, listening is hard. Sometimes, it can be very hard. The mental strength required to deeply listen is intense. There are times when someone else is talking and every ounce of me wants to interrupt and interject my viewpoint. It takes a lot of effort and patience to listen well. Every time I do it, though, the struggle is worth it. Here are some quick tips on listening that have helped me personally: Let Them Breathe Not feeling understood can feel suffocating, like you lack air and can’t breathe. If your counterpart feels suffocated, she likely won’t pay much attention to what you have to say. If you and I were in a room talking and all of the air suddenly got sucked out, you likely wouldn’t listen to anything I have to say. All your attention would be on finding air to breathe. This is much the same feeling one gets when she feels like she isn’t understood. She doesn’t care what you have to say until she gets some air. View it as your mission to give your counterpart air so she can breathe as quickly as possible. You’ll be surprised how quickly the argument will dissolve and turn into a positive, productive conversation. You can do this by making her feel understood. Rephrase and Label Emotions To show someone we understand her, we should repeat back what she said in our own words, essentially summarizing what she just said. If there are emotions tied to what she said, we should also label those emotions. For example, if someone just got done venting about how much she hates her job because she doesn’t feel challenged and does the same thing over and over, I could say something like, “So it sounds like you are really unhappy at work because you don’t feel like you’re learning or growing. Is that right?” Ask Questions vs Making Statements Conversations are fluid, and it may not always be apparent how you can repeat something back to the other person and label their emotion. When this happens, ask questions such as: Can you explain what you meant when you said ___? Can you tell me more about ___? Why did you feel ___ when that happened? Questions like those invite the other person to sift through their thoughts and expand, helping you, and even themselves, truly understand how they’re feeling. Statements can be confrontational, putting the other person on guard. Questions, on the other hand, are more exploratory and comfortable. Try to Get the Other Person to Say “That’s Right” Whenever someone says “That’s right” to something you’ve said, you have reached clarity and understanding. Keep rephrasing and repeating back what the other person says, label emotions, and ask questions to gain understanding until the other person says, “Yes, that’s right.” Resist the Urge to Defend or Problem-Solve Two types of conversations in which listening is incredibly important are arguments and conversations dealing with problems. Arguments During an argument, your counterpart is likely expressing thoughts that can be perceived as attacks. Our initial instinct is to defend ourselves or share our perspective, but before we do, it is important we make our counterpart feel heard. If some of my team members just got done telling me they feel I prioritize making money over their safety in the workplace, my initial instinct is to immediately defend myself and tell them why they’re wrong. However, first I need to give them air to breathe. Responding like this is much more effective: “To make sure I heard you correctly, it sounds like based on a few decisions I’ve made over the past couple of months, you think I am focused more on making money than the team’s safety, and it’s making you feel unhappy and unsafe at work. Is that right?” Assuming they agree (which is already a huge step towards finding common ground), I’d continue with: “Okay, I understand where you’re coming from, and I’m very sorry I made you all feel that way. I value your safety significantly more than money. Without you as my team, the company wouldn’t exist. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to walk through the examples you shared of decisions I’ve made, explain my point of view on them, and then hear from you how I could’ve acted differently to not make you feel unsafe. Is that all right with you?” After saying something like this, the hostility will likely have dissipated, no one is in a defending posture, and we can talk through the issues on the same side of the table vs opposing sides. Problems During a conversation dealing with problems, most people’s initial reaction is to start problem-solving. Many times, the initial problem identified is a symptom of a deeper root cause, and time spent treating symptoms vs root causes isn’t very effective. For example, someone may express they are unhappy with their job. If I immediately try to solve this problem, I may focus on helping him update his resume and look for a new job. However, if instead I keep reflecting and labeling, the conversation could go something like this: HIM: “I’ve been a funk lately because I’m so miserable at work. Something needs to change.” ME: “I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like work is making you unhappy, so you want a change like getting a new job?” HIM: “Well, no, I like the company I work for. I was hired to do digital marketing, but I’m spending all my time focusing on internal communications.” ME: “So you’re frustrated you aren’t doing what you were hired to do?” HIM: “Not just that, but I got my degree in digital marketing and that’s my passion.” ME: “Oh, so you want to stay with your current company, but you just aren’t doing work you’re passionate about. Sounds like you need to find a way to switch to the digital